Masters of Infancy (Reading Interventions)
Reading is a unique skill. It requires the brain to identify hieroglyphics or symbols, translate those pictures or characters into letters or sounds or words or ideas, then assign meaning to them. It’s a complicated and unnatural process made even more so by the whorish nature of the English language. There is not a single reason the letter g when combined with the letter h should make the same sound as the letter f (laugh). Not one. Now, some of you are saying, “Well, actually, in Scottish Gaelic…” and I’m saying go fuck yourself. There’s not a single reason. And don’t even get me started on the silent letter. But the point I’m trying to make is that reading is unnatural and different from most other skills. One does not have to be Tiger Woods to say they can play golf. One does not have to be Iron Chef Morimoto to say they can cook. One does not have to be Alicia Keys to say they can sing. The difference between Tiger Woods, Iron Chef Morimoto, Alicia Keys, and you is that you blow ass compared to them and the skills they have pursued for their careers. Reading, though, is dissimilar and falls into a dichotomy: either one can fluently read or they can’t. As Jedi Master Yoda might say, “Read or read not. There is no try.” It is through that lens (that a person can either read or they can’t) that I hope to illustrate how pointless most school reading interventions genuinely are and how they actually help contribute to student illiteracy.
I wanted to make an analogy with public school reading interventions and “The Emperor’s New Clothes” here, but I just read a summary of the story and now my analogy is off-base. So here’s my version of “The Emperor’s New Clothes”: there is an emperor that’s cold, people from around the realm try numerous things to warm the emperor (like building a larger fire place, stealing Khalisi’s dragons, or who knows whatever-the-fuck), nothing works, and in the end we find out the emperor is constantly cold because no one is willing to point out the obvious that it’s wintertime and the emperor refuses to wear any clothes. That is exactly what’s occurring with public school reading instruction, especially during reading interventions: no one is pointing out the obvious that no one is addressing the actual problem: STUDENTS CAN’T FUCKING READ!
Let me give you a simple example that illustrates this instructional absurdity. Let’s say a teacher or interventionist decides to help a struggling reader by comparing two texts. This is a skill infants and toddlers have mastered. Chicken nuggets or broccoli? Chocolate or dog shit? The mastery of comparing at an early or even immediate age applies to all senses. If you have a brain and ears, or a brain and a tongue, or a brain and a nose, or a brain and eyes, or a brain and skin – you can compare things. Students at all ages and grade levels can look at two pieces of artwork and easily compare their colors, textures, and mediums, probably going even further by comparing how each piece makes them feel or the moods of the pieces. However, students at wide ranges of ages and grade levels cannot compare texts, text elements, or textual information on those exact same two pieces of art for a very simple reason: THEY CAN’T FUCKING READ IT!
Do you really think kids can’t compare the traits or personalities or qualities of Elsa to Batman to Pikachu to Thanos? Do you really think kids can’t compare the settings of Home Alone and Aladdin and Finding Nemo? Do you really think kids can’t compare the plots of Cinderella and The Grinch and Homeward Bound? Do you really think kids can’t compare the themes of The Incredibles and A Bug’s Life and The Hunchback of Notre Dame? Do you really think kids can’t decipher Simba is the good lion and Scar is the evil as fuck one? Of course they fucking can! They could just as easily compare dolphins, dinosaurs, and dandelions! Why? Simply because they have sensory organs that collect data (things and shit in the world) that their brains then process into information. Comparing shit is not a skill that needs to be taught or addressed or intervened – the organs and brain of the body do it automatically. The skill of reading is what’s missing.
That’s the reason students can’t tell you the plot of Where the Red Fern Grows or the short story by Langston Hughes you assigned. That’s the reason students can’t extrapolate the main idea with three key details for the water cycle article you selected. That’s the reason students can’t tell you the important information in the word problem you chose for math. That’s the reason students can’t tell you how a set of poems makes them feel. It’s because your students can’t fucking read any of what you’re fucking assigning them! And instead of addressing the fundamental problem (kids being unable to read), schools and districts and best practice professional developments and theories and initiatives and who knows whatever-the-fuck else are addressing everything but reading.
You are not going to teach children to read by asking them to compare story characters. You are not going to teach children to read by ensuring they can define and identify plot, setting, and theme. You are not going to teach children to read by practicing inference making. You are not going to teach children to read by ensuring they have listening accommodations on every test. You are not going to teach children to read by scaffolding every classroom text. You are not going to teach children to read by creating access points to content through initiatives like project-based learning. You are going to teach children to read by teaching them to motherfucking read! Doesn’t that make sense to anyone else but me?
Current public school post-phonics reading instruction and interventions address concepts that students have already mastered and are unrelated to the skill of reading: comparing shit, inferring shit, describing shit, extrapolating shit, and so on. Instead of teaching students what they are missing, the ability to read fluently, we end up practicing skills the students’ brains process automatically. It’s not that students and children cannot identify themes or make inferences. It’s that they can’t identify themes or find evidence to make inferences when it’s hidden behind meaningless hieroglyphics. Don’t you understand? Reading interventions are teaching thinking processes – not reading – and students can already think.
